Thursday, July 25, 2013

words you never want to hear...and words you've been waiting to hear your whole life

It has been a really interesting month for me. I have heard some of the most devastating words a person can hear. I wish I had the words to express that feeling, the feelings I had when I got a phone call that said, "Jordan, you have cancer..." It was at that point where my world stopped for a minute. My thoughts were racing,
 "How could this be possible?"
 "I am getting married in 10 days?"
 "But the Doctor said that I was fine?"

When my head cleared I realized that the nurse was still talking about options, asking questions and waiting for my response. "Jordan, have you eaten anything today? I know you just had surgery a week ago, but can you come in in an hour to have another surgery to remove whatever cancer is left in your thyroid or neck?"

In a a second my brain went from a stand still to racing a million miles a minute. Another surgery, cancer, one hour, these words and phrases just circled inside me and my mouth somehow found the words, 

"I can be there in an hour."

The phone call was quickly ended so that she could finish making arrangements for me to come in to the hospital for this emergency surgery. I sat on my bed and sobbed. All alone I hugged my pillow thinking over and over again, 

I have cancer

Once I had composed myself I quickly made some phone calls to let my fiance' and family aware of what was going on. I was trying to find someone to be there for me when I woke up from my surgery this afternoon. After an hour that flew by like minutes I had my bag packed and was driving myself to the hospital, with surgical tape still on my neck from the previous surgery I had only seven days previous.  
After I had filled out all of the necessary paperwork and answered many questions I sat in a small room, with only my moo-moo like hospital gown and IV to keep me company. The minutes passed by while I waited. I was fortunate enough to have some dear friends and family call and talk to me while I waited. And my wonderful grandparents were able to drive all the way in to see me quickly before I walked myself into the surgery room.

The recovery has been rough yet everyday I felt stronger and more capable. I had to be strong, I had to be tough, I was going to be a bride very soon.

After a crazy week of preparations trying to catch up for all of the things for the wedding that I had not gotten done before the surgery, the big day was finally here.

I woke up incredibly early, I was too excited to sleep. I got up and quietly went outside to my car and drove around town for a while. It was crazy to think that through everything that my fiance' and I had been through our day was finally here, we were going to be married for time and all eternity. 

I drove back to the hotel where my family was staying and with the help of wonderful cousins began to get ready. After a slight  hiccup to the plan where I passed out because of low blood sugar and kneeling for too long, I was ready.

We drove to the temple and got dressed all in white for the most amazing experience. I was able to kneel across the alter from my sweetheart and hear the words

 "you are now husband and wife, kiss your bride."

 These words I had dreamed about for years were finally true. I was married to the most wonderful man that I know, not even having cancer could put a damper on the happiness that I felt.

Although this journey is far from over for me and soon will become more real as I travel to have radiation treatment in a few weeks, I must say that I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband who has been my rock and has been there for everything. For my wonderful parents who have taken such good care of me while I recovered, and to the many family members and friends who have been praying for me.

 I am so grateful.


P.S. This song came on during our wedding reception, a song that my husband picked, what powerful words. Enjoy!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

So I've been busy...?

As I said before life for me has been so crazy in the last six months. I don't even know where to start! Haha! I am sure that you know by now, but if you don't I am engaged to be married in 1 1/2 months! July 19th will be my big day and I couldn't be more excited!! I am sure you know this, but it is so funny how we make plans and how our Heavenly Father comes in and changes those plans. I am so so grateful for Him and having Him change my plans. The wonderful man that I will be marrying is Drew Anderson.
Well it starts out that I was NOT going to date him because I worked with him. Haha...yeah that didn't quite work out. He is probably the most persistent man I have ever met. I remember telling him about my friends were all coming home from theirs missions so soon. It did not faze Drew at all, he just said okay, but I hope you know that I will not disappear in 49 days. I will not let you get away that easily. When he said that he honestly scared me, this boy was going to put up a fight! And boy did he ever! He was the sweetest, most romantic, honest boy I have ever met. Whenever I needed him he was there, no matter how inconvenient. There were many late nights spent helping me set up my pre-school classroom. He actually took me on dates all the time, and was always a perfect gentleman. He was so patient and understanding with me as I figured out my feelings and prayed to know what I should do. It wasn't very long after the missionaries came home that I knew exactly what I should do. After that decision was made life soon became a blur of wonderful sweet moments and long talks late into the evening. Until one night the “L” word was brought into the conversation.  He said it, and I said it back. And it seems as if I had meant it more than I ever had before. In the coming months we spent every moment we possibly could together. This man was quickly, if not already there, becoming my very best friend. Then one day a loving roommate jokingly asked when we were going to get married. We both looked at each other and laughed it off; however, it brought thoughts of marriage and eternity into our minds. Soon thereafter a conversation was had, would you want to, could you see it happening, have you prayed and asked God? So we pondered, studied, and prayed to our Heavenly Father with guidance asking if this friendship should be continued into the eternities. We both received our answers in due time, of course silly, you know that it is right. We both knew, we were going to be sealed together for time and all eternity.
Then one day I was at Summit Elementary school and I was walking out with some friends that I carpooled with, talking with them about our classes. When I looked up into the parking lot and there was a very handsome familiar figure, sitting on the bed of his truck waiting for me. Surprised we hugged and I asked him what he was doing here. He smiled and asked if he could take me on a date. So off we went, we were going on a picnic! I was so excited, however, suspected absolutely nothing. We got sandwiches and went to his house to pick up the other things we would need for this picnic. Again, as I walked into his house his entire family greeted me with strange smiles and there was already a box packed and ready to go with everything that you would need. Again another hint, but I never suspected a thing. We went to this park off the beaten path, and we talked about life and the future while we enjoyed the warm March weather. Drew then suggested that we pull out the telescope to see if we could figure out how to make it work. (We had tried once before but failed miserably) So we figured it out quickly and began to find different landmarks in the valley. (He found the Utah State “A” and did it wrong, on purpose of course so that I would do it the next time.)I soon got very cocky and was boasting about how I was much better at it then he was. He then challenged me to find the temple if was so good at it. I spent some time finding the very best sight of the Logan temple you had ever seen through a telescope. And when I turned around to gloat and brag how awesome the sight was. Only to find Drew on one knee with ring out, he then asked Jordan, will you marry me? Then me in all of my grace and glory promptly tripped and almost feel over backwards with complete surprise and then said, “Are you for serious?!?!” I stayed that way for about 30 seconds, clinging on to the fence behind me because I was sure I was going to fall over if I hadn't. I just stood there staring literally without words. Drew smiled and chuckled a bit and said that he was in fact serious. For about another minute I was speechless so happy and excited and poor Drew was still on one knee waiting for my answer. Once I realized that I had yet to answer him I quickly said yes!! I walked over to him, I hugged him for a long time, he put the ring on my finger. I then punched him in the arm because I was so surprised, because he had me absolutely convinced that the ring wasn't even going to be here for another month!! I then gave him a kiss and out of the box came out two nice glasses and a bottle of sparkling cider. We giggled and drank as I called everyone to tell them of the wonderful news. We are so happy.

Minutes after I said YES!!
The two of us, so happy!!
 And here we are now, 48 days away from the best day ever. I am so very excited and everything is coming together so well!! 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2012

Oh 2012 what a year full of laughter,tears, and smiles!!
Here are some things that happened.

I turned 20!
Transition classes for the Eled program.
Saw some old friends.
Partied some more.
Relay team captain.
Ran my first 5K.
Made some new friends.
Got a new job.
Had my heart broken.
Ran a marathon.
Said goodbye to one of my best friends.
Had some of my best friends come home.
Survived my student teaching experience.
Got my very first boyfriend.
Rang in the new year right.

Overall, I have had a a wonderful and crazy year! However, I am super duper excited for this next year. 2012 you've been great, but I am ready for the adventures of 2013!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Perspective

I have been meaning to write a post for some time now, however every time I sit down I cannot find the words. So here we go...Scene 1 Take 15


Here I am sitting alone on campus. I have found this gem of a spot, secluded and quiet. I have yet to see a single soul walk by as I eat my lunch. I am sitting by a huge window that overlooks campus. I lose myself in thought as I aimlessly watch the many students walk down below. Then something small and seemingly insignificant catches my eye; a small fly. This fly looks out through the window longing to be free, gathers up some guts and flies as fast as he can into the window. Unknowingly he smashes head first and falls back to the window sill. He gathers himself again and speeds ever faster towards the window and his goal, the beautiful outdoors. He again smashes himself into the solid window, so hard that he falls straight to his back. He struggles for a minute to get back to his feet and continues this process in hopes to somehow break through.

As I sit here and watch this poor creature trying as hard as he can to reach his goal my mind thinks, obviously he cannot get out this way, there is no way to open the window even. To achieve his goal that he so much desires he is going to have to leave the light and safety of the window sill and travel down the dark staircases to the open doors below. I can see this, but can he?

I quickly realized, how often am I this silly fly trying with all of my strength to reach a goal, even a good and righteous one, but cannot win because I only see the prize and won't try to leave the comfort and light. How often am I the one who refuses to admit that I may not see the whole picture, that there is more planned for me; that I am not quite ready to receive that glorious prize. I first have to make the long hard journey down the staircase, and leave the light of the window sill.

I know what my goal is, but now I have to trust, leave my comfort zone, there is no short cut here...no one can open the window. I have to let go and try; one step at a time.

Here I go.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Food for thought.



Go Here.

You won't regret it.

 I promise.

And if you liked that then,

go here

to finish the rest of it.

From the words of a good friend,

"You are worth all of it."